Monday, 27 February 2012

Rather Vague Really...

Hello Empty Cyberspace :)




How vague I am.

Example : Yesterday was Papa Bear's one-day-early birthday celebration. Went out for merry breakfast, did the whole "YAY YOU ARE AGEING WOO PLEASE DON'T DIE TILL I GET A JOB" little thing, la de da ecetera.


This morning, woke up with absolutely no recollection of yesterday and promptly forgot that TODAY was the ACTUAL birthday. I missed alllll the hints from my family, observed the half eaten cake in the fridge with mild distaste  - "Why do we have a half eaten cake?" - and buggered off to school without one birthday remark like the ungrateful child I am.



Anyway, here's something I wrote for a friend in science last year. It has no purpose except to be completely useless and delightful. okaybye


In the event of a fire, it is handy to try and avoid being engulfed in the flames as it can often result in severe damgage to bodily parts or perhaps even death! Thus it is advisable to attempt and ecscape such a fate, unless you are a fan of the whole body bandage look. Personally I can’t rock that, so I always try and ecscape. If you have similar views on this concept, then it is important that you learn how to ecscape fires. The most important step is move away from the flames. If you stand still, then the fire will begin to burn your body. This could be mildly irritating, or pehaps painful! Thus I reccomend moving. Unfortunately it is not just this simple. The steps become more difficult here. When moving, try and move AWAY from the fire, rather than towards it. Moving TOWARDS the fire will actually make the situation worse for you, and it would have been better if you hadn’t moved at all. So, the healthy alternative is to therefore move in the opposite direction of the fire. If you are trying this at home, make sure you master this correctly in environments with many exits, just in case you are a slow learner. However, things become even more complicated from here on it. You must try and move away from the fire, yes, but keep in mind that all this effort will go to waste if you do not attempt at reach an exit, or at least a place like a refirdirater in which you could try and counter-attack the hot flames with some cold ice. However, I generally do reccomend trying to leave the building alltogether. A buddy of mine once tried to hide from a fire in a blender, not realising that blenders are not that cold, and unfortunatley was switched on at the time. We now call him Stumpy. Anyway, point is, go for the exit. This exit can be in the form of a door, an air vent, or an underground tunnel if you have Soviet Spies in your basement or whatever. Now, in case you were gettting all proud of yourself or something, just take a chill pill. Because it’s not good enough just to reach the exit. You must then USE the exit. If you’re reading this guide then I’ve already assumed you’re not that bright, so I may as well just explain how to exit from an exit while you’re already here reading. Right, so, using a door is generally your best chance at exiting an exit without utilising a screwdriver, a tool which might just stretch your capabilities a bit too far. So, approach your door. Reach out with one of your arms, prefferably an arm with a hand and fingers attatched to it. If neither of your arms are so gifted, then talk to my friend Stumpy and he will teach you his ways. So, reach out with your arm and take a hold of the doorknob. Don’t panick if the doorknob is moisture-ful, it could just be your sweaty hands. No wonder you can’t get a boyfriend. Alright, so now turn the doorknob, and push. It might take a while for your muscles to remember how to work, and since yours don’t look that developed I really hope they have an effect, but if not then just resort to mind power. Thus with this method your door should open and you will have sucsessfully ecscaped your fire! Hurrah! Go have yourself a nice cool drink. One of those ones with a little umbrella in it. See my other guides on how to raise your pet goldfish with love, affection and dog food. XOXO GUIDE GIRL

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